Dear Mom and Dad,
I try to be a good son. I shower daily, brush between meals, and try to be kind to kids and animals.
Despite all this, I am not the son you thought I was. There has been something I have not been upfront about and it is time I got it off my chest.
I am a casual user of tofu.
Yes, I know it doesn’t fit in with your world view and I tried to resist experimenting with it for as long as I could. I even remember bursting into a room of tofu users at a party my freshman year in college and loudly proclaiming, “I AM NOT DOING TOFU! YOU CAN’T MAKE ME!” then dashing out of the room. No tofuheads were going to peer pressure me.
Years later, I was at another party in Chicago. I noticed every now and then that some of the partygoers would disappear upstairs and reappear later feeling “perky”. At the time I found it just disgusting. Then I met Megan.
Our eyes locked from across the room (in fairness, it was a very small room) She was wearing a black dress with smiley faces printed all over it. I knew she was single because she was wearing a nametag that said, “I’m Available”. What a woman!
After finishing off the mint Oreos from the snack table and downing two Roy Rogers (okay, they were Shirley Temples) I bravely strolled over to Megan.
I used my best opening line on her: “Nice shoes.” After that, conversation was a breeze. We had a lot in common; we both loved the Yankee Candle Company, we both liked sandwiches, and we both graduated from high school. It was fate that we met, fate I say!
After a lengthy conversation of thirty seconds, Megan and I felt just like old acquaintances. It was then she suggested we disappear to the upstairs. Little did I know what she really had in mind, little did I know.
Ascending the stairs with anticipation, I was ready to do my twenty-something duties. Once we reached the special room my adrenaline was at its peak. Megan grasped the knob (of the door to the room) and showed me what was inside. The sight of what was inside is something I will not forget to my dying day.
The room was totally empty except for a fine oriental rug and the six people sitting Indian style in circle formation upon it. Each person had a paper plate in their lap that contained a combination of greens and…tofu!
Sweat began to roll down my brow but Megan gently took my hand and led me to the floor where there was a full paper plate of greens and tofu waiting for us.
She began to slowly feed me pieces of tofu and in my paralyzed terror all I could do was obey. With each piece consumed I found my resistance to this gateway food slowly breaking down. It was mesmerizing. It was liberating. It was tofu.
Eventually, I shoved Megan to the side and hogged the rest of the tofu and greens for myself.
Since then I have been a casual tofu user—not something I have every week or even every month, just casually. You can serve it so many ways too! You can serve it in salads, have it fried, baked, grilled, spiced and etc.
Just thought you should know the shocking truth. Tofu isn’t bad at all; you just have to get creative with it.